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Seeing that I’ve hinted about my birthday (don’t know why since I’m not looking forward to it) I thought now would be a good time to tell you about my wife’s birthday last month. It’s a good lesson for you guys out there who plan on getting involved with someone to learn the do’s and dont's in a relationship.
My wife has high expectations when it comes to her special day. She likes being spoiled with gifts, dinner, etc. Now I don’t blame her considering I’m the only person she has around (it’s a long story). Of course I was aware of her birthday a month in advance learning my lesson from previous relationships that girls expect guys to remember key dates:
1. their birthday
2. their anniversary
3. Valentine’s Day
4. the day they first met
5. the day they broke up and got back together again (sick as it sounds, it’s true!)
Seeing that I was on top of my game, I had nothing to worry about since I had her gifts in advance and I was trying to earn some extra brownie points by making her a birthday card (another thing to remember: girls like guys who put some effort into a relationship otherwise just getting a card is not “romantic” enough)
Need to provide a little background here: Since we moved to the burbs, it has made my commute easier whereas it has made my wife’s a living hell. You'll see why I mention this later.
On this particular day, she made certain to come home early. I came home late wrapping up the finishing touches on the card. Eventually, I arrived home, having ready my dinner plans and surprising her later with gifts that were in the car trunk.
So the first thing I hear when I get home is “Hi hon, (looking at my hands) where are my presents and why are you home so late?” At this point, I thought it’d be amusing to yank her chain a bit. (Another lesson for you guys, sometimes you can’t always give in to your significant other. Sometimes you have to keep them waiting otherwise they expect things right up front.)
I put on my best poker face and told her I was running late and was unable to buy her anything for her birthday. Notice how I said “BUY” and not “GET.” I knew this would irk her. Still not believing me, she kept looking around as if her gift would magically appear. Too funny! At this point I told her we would go out to dinner to make up for the lack of gifts this year to which she replied “You know it’s my birthday! I don’t ask for anything all year and I can’t believe you don’t even bother to get me at least flowers!” This was pretty good but I wasn’t sure how long I could pull this off. Maybe she would cool down on the way to the restaurant. I guessed wrong. Ouch!
--to be continued
Friday, January 14, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
I had a moment last night.
I had a moment as in reaching my boiling point where I have just about had it with living out here in the middle of what I consider nowhere and having no human contact whatsoever. The thing that sparked this moment was pasta sauce.
One thing you need to know about living in the burbs is you sacrifice convenience. You no longer can just walk to the supermarket or your local bodega if you don’t happen to have the key ingredient for a meal, if you want to go out and get a late-night snack, or if you get off the subway on your way home to buy something for dinner.
What sucks is if you live in the burbs, every freakin store is over a mile away (unless you live in a hip area like Edgewater or Hoboken or if you happen to live in the not so great parts of Paterson or Newark). I came home after going to the Super Stop and Shop (never even heard of the place till I moved out here) to realize that I forgot the pasta sauce. Ever have those moments when you’re looking through your fridge or pantry and pray by some miracle you have some condiment you forgot and by luck, you find it in the corner of the cupboard? No such luck here.
It sucks once you’re in your nice warm home to have to go out again just because you forgot to buy the $%! sauce. When I was living in Queens, I’d say screw it and walk to the corner bodega and yeah, pay a little more than what it cost at C-Town but at least I didn’t have to walk two extra blocks. Now I have to drive a mile just for freakin sauce!
What’s worse is that Super Stop and Shop is the most expensive supermarket in the area. I remember when we were first looking at houses my agent pointed out the Super Stop and Shop saying, “Yeah its convenient, but go to the Pathmark instead.” She failed to mention that you have to get on the highway and drive 3 mile to go to Pathmark! At this point, did I really care about getting ripped off? Did I care back then that I was being overcharged at the bodega? Where does it say you have to eat spaghetti with pasta sauce? My mom would use butter and garlic if we had no sauce! But no! How can you have turkey meatballs with butter (despite my doctor telling me to cut all this crap out to begin with and eat more veggies in my diet)?
Doesn’t it seem funny to you when you’re waiting at the register and you see some lady with a cart filled with crap to point where the items she has are spilling out of her shopping cart? I bet you she doesn’t run out of pasta sauce!
So yeah, I had a moment when my wife came home and she asked me if I was all right which I answered no, I wasn’t. I needed to get the hell out of the house before I pulled a Shining. I took a ride to the Bronx with the Ipod, parked the car and walked past every bodega muttering under my breath that they have no idea how lucky they were to be able to walk from the lobby of their building and walk into their local store to buy Mazola corn oil or a Table Talk Pie. The only thing I can find if I even make an attempt to venture out to “Main Street” is kosher pizza.
Eventually I calmed down and did some breathing exercises I saw one morning on TV. I apologized to my wife for scary the crap out of her and went to bed.
I don’t want to say I hate it out here (ok, maybe a little) but I am finding it hard adjusting. I’m used to sidewalks, open 24 hour stores, and having a Dunkin Donuts. Do you know there is no Dunkin Donuts in Teaneck apart from the one that is on Route 4? You have to travel to next area in Bergen County to get a doughnut. Don’t know whether to laugh or throw my keyboard against the wall.
One thing you need to know about living in the burbs is you sacrifice convenience. You no longer can just walk to the supermarket or your local bodega if you don’t happen to have the key ingredient for a meal, if you want to go out and get a late-night snack, or if you get off the subway on your way home to buy something for dinner.
What sucks is if you live in the burbs, every freakin store is over a mile away (unless you live in a hip area like Edgewater or Hoboken or if you happen to live in the not so great parts of Paterson or Newark). I came home after going to the Super Stop and Shop (never even heard of the place till I moved out here) to realize that I forgot the pasta sauce. Ever have those moments when you’re looking through your fridge or pantry and pray by some miracle you have some condiment you forgot and by luck, you find it in the corner of the cupboard? No such luck here.
It sucks once you’re in your nice warm home to have to go out again just because you forgot to buy the $%! sauce. When I was living in Queens, I’d say screw it and walk to the corner bodega and yeah, pay a little more than what it cost at C-Town but at least I didn’t have to walk two extra blocks. Now I have to drive a mile just for freakin sauce!
What’s worse is that Super Stop and Shop is the most expensive supermarket in the area. I remember when we were first looking at houses my agent pointed out the Super Stop and Shop saying, “Yeah its convenient, but go to the Pathmark instead.” She failed to mention that you have to get on the highway and drive 3 mile to go to Pathmark! At this point, did I really care about getting ripped off? Did I care back then that I was being overcharged at the bodega? Where does it say you have to eat spaghetti with pasta sauce? My mom would use butter and garlic if we had no sauce! But no! How can you have turkey meatballs with butter (despite my doctor telling me to cut all this crap out to begin with and eat more veggies in my diet)?
Doesn’t it seem funny to you when you’re waiting at the register and you see some lady with a cart filled with crap to point where the items she has are spilling out of her shopping cart? I bet you she doesn’t run out of pasta sauce!
So yeah, I had a moment when my wife came home and she asked me if I was all right which I answered no, I wasn’t. I needed to get the hell out of the house before I pulled a Shining. I took a ride to the Bronx with the Ipod, parked the car and walked past every bodega muttering under my breath that they have no idea how lucky they were to be able to walk from the lobby of their building and walk into their local store to buy Mazola corn oil or a Table Talk Pie. The only thing I can find if I even make an attempt to venture out to “Main Street” is kosher pizza.
Eventually I calmed down and did some breathing exercises I saw one morning on TV. I apologized to my wife for scary the crap out of her and went to bed.
I don’t want to say I hate it out here (ok, maybe a little) but I am finding it hard adjusting. I’m used to sidewalks, open 24 hour stores, and having a Dunkin Donuts. Do you know there is no Dunkin Donuts in Teaneck apart from the one that is on Route 4? You have to travel to next area in Bergen County to get a doughnut. Don’t know whether to laugh or throw my keyboard against the wall.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Mac mini
By now, everyone has heard about the new Mac that was announced at MacWorld Expo.
Birthday is coming up soon.
While doing some research on everything anti-suburbs, I came across this essay by Alex Marshall. It's one in a series from his book, How Cities Work.
This particular essay is about my old haunting grounds: Jackson Heights, Queens.
I'll add it to my sad list of links. Jet Li Website is now no longer alone.
This particular essay is about my old haunting grounds: Jackson Heights, Queens.
I'll add it to my sad list of links. Jet Li Website is now no longer alone.
More tiny changes
You don't need to sign up for blogger.com to leave a comment anymore so feel free to say whatever is on your mind. Working on fixing the comments so that they're more user friendly.
Added an RSS feed to the site as well.
Added an RSS feed to the site as well.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Hippie Goddess
Came across this site (don't ask me how) but I'm amazed at what gets people off sexually. You hear about fetishes: feet, butt, boobs, clothing; there's also some real twisted stuff that freaks are into which I won't go into here but of all things would you be thinking hippies?
Having gone to several concerts, I'm witness to what you would call these modern day wanna-be hippies. Its funny to watch them, particularly when a band starts to jam. Imagine watching footage from a Woodstock movie, the scene when Santana is on stage and there's this guy in the audience on some LSD trip flailing his arms about like some whirling dervish except its at a Rush concert! Never thought you could groove to 2112? This guy sure showed you could!
I also saw this recently at a Pink Floyd Tribute band show. Its like they're not sure when its appropriate to dance like a freak. Can you picture a guy whigging out to Comfortably Numb? The guy moves his hips slowly a'la Axel Rose style up to the part where David Gilmour would sing and voila! The guy starts getting into this weird trance like state, meanwhile Joe Guido next to him is giving him a good look over to follow him to his car once the show's over to give him a good beat down for constantly getting in his way of watching his favorite tribute band.
This is what you'll find on Hippie Goddess (***for you peeps prone to reading this at work, yes the link IS an adult site!***) or as they proclaim:
"Natural Hairy, Dreadlocked Hemp Wearing Barefoot Earth-loving Goddesses Turn you on? Your not alone! Natural IS Sexy!"
Each girl has their description, like Ripple and India who are described as follows:
Beware the games of fairies. Beware the pranks of leprechauns. Laughter ringing out in a meadowy glade with no source to find. Tiny foot prints on virgin snow. Such is the spirit of the ever playful who walk between the worlds in the land of fairies.
or as my favorite girl, Sky the Goddess of Innocence:
On this earth we promise she is indeed over 18! But in the worlds of the Goddess she is the childlike wonder and youthful magick that lives within us all. She is the sprite and the leprechaun playing pranks and laughing in tinkling musical melody. She is the hope of life.
Now I don't know about these girls. Notice how they're all by a beach and look pretty clean (with the exception of their hair). Not to place labels but most of the chicks I've seen at these shows look like they haven't showered in some time. To each his own.
Man, you know things are going downhill when I'm spending my time talking about some porn site. Gotta go back and finish chapter 4 of Pimpernel.
Having gone to several concerts, I'm witness to what you would call these modern day wanna-be hippies. Its funny to watch them, particularly when a band starts to jam. Imagine watching footage from a Woodstock movie, the scene when Santana is on stage and there's this guy in the audience on some LSD trip flailing his arms about like some whirling dervish except its at a Rush concert! Never thought you could groove to 2112? This guy sure showed you could!
I also saw this recently at a Pink Floyd Tribute band show. Its like they're not sure when its appropriate to dance like a freak. Can you picture a guy whigging out to Comfortably Numb? The guy moves his hips slowly a'la Axel Rose style up to the part where David Gilmour would sing and voila! The guy starts getting into this weird trance like state, meanwhile Joe Guido next to him is giving him a good look over to follow him to his car once the show's over to give him a good beat down for constantly getting in his way of watching his favorite tribute band.
This is what you'll find on Hippie Goddess (***for you peeps prone to reading this at work, yes the link IS an adult site!***) or as they proclaim:
"Natural Hairy, Dreadlocked Hemp Wearing Barefoot Earth-loving Goddesses Turn you on? Your not alone! Natural IS Sexy!"
Each girl has their description, like Ripple and India who are described as follows:
Beware the games of fairies. Beware the pranks of leprechauns. Laughter ringing out in a meadowy glade with no source to find. Tiny foot prints on virgin snow. Such is the spirit of the ever playful who walk between the worlds in the land of fairies.
or as my favorite girl, Sky the Goddess of Innocence:
On this earth we promise she is indeed over 18! But in the worlds of the Goddess she is the childlike wonder and youthful magick that lives within us all. She is the sprite and the leprechaun playing pranks and laughing in tinkling musical melody. She is the hope of life.
Now I don't know about these girls. Notice how they're all by a beach and look pretty clean (with the exception of their hair). Not to place labels but most of the chicks I've seen at these shows look like they haven't showered in some time. To each his own.
Man, you know things are going downhill when I'm spending my time talking about some porn site. Gotta go back and finish chapter 4 of Pimpernel.
Boozin
Went to the liqour store and bought some wine. Thank God I had my booze intake! Felt like I've been kinda nasty these past few days without the vino. It was kinda hard especially during the holidays not to have at least a little drink during dinner time. Bought an Angeline Sonoma County Merlot. Felt like a crack fiend chugging it down with my dinner.
They say living in the suburbs leads to more drinking. Then again, I think I said that. I remember that episode of the Simpsons when Marge lives in her dream home where everyting is done for her and she has nothing left to do but drink wine.
While having my fix I read a birthday card that was sent to me by my real estate agent. Its one of those birthday cards illustrating key moments in the year you were born. Lets see:
Nixon is the first President in 120 years to face Congress controlled by opposition.
California is hit by heavy rains; mudslides cause extensive damage.
The Saturday Evening Post ceases publication.
Hey, check this out: Scooby Doo, Where Are You? and Sesame Street debut!
The average income was $9,433 (not that much of a difference)
And last but not least, on January 1969, Julio Espin was born! Happy Birthday from J Quigley, your exclusive agent.
That's real touching. I think I need another drink.
They say living in the suburbs leads to more drinking. Then again, I think I said that. I remember that episode of the Simpsons when Marge lives in her dream home where everyting is done for her and she has nothing left to do but drink wine.
While having my fix I read a birthday card that was sent to me by my real estate agent. Its one of those birthday cards illustrating key moments in the year you were born. Lets see:
Nixon is the first President in 120 years to face Congress controlled by opposition.
California is hit by heavy rains; mudslides cause extensive damage.
The Saturday Evening Post ceases publication.
Hey, check this out: Scooby Doo, Where Are You? and Sesame Street debut!
The average income was $9,433 (not that much of a difference)
And last but not least, on January 1969, Julio Espin was born! Happy Birthday from J Quigley, your exclusive agent.
That's real touching. I think I need another drink.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Resolution Part 1
Started one of my resolutions this year by taking out some books from the library. Its pretty damn embarassing when my wife is able to read 5 books in a month while I'm sitting on my ass watching Divine Design on HGTV. I find Candice Olsen kinda sexy. She has a quirky personality and she's tall as an Amazon. There has to be some Candice worship site around and I'm aiming to find it!
Well here are the two books I'm reading so far:
1. The Scarlet Pimpernal
2. The Toy Collector
From the little I read so far on the SP, I find it kinda odd that someone would write about a hero rescuing a bunch of aristrocrats during the French Revolution. A bit pretentious if you ask me.
Unfortunately I got sidetracked reading City Hunter. Hey, I have to dumb down every so often you know!
Well here are the two books I'm reading so far:
1. The Scarlet Pimpernal
2. The Toy Collector
From the little I read so far on the SP, I find it kinda odd that someone would write about a hero rescuing a bunch of aristrocrats during the French Revolution. A bit pretentious if you ask me.
Unfortunately I got sidetracked reading City Hunter. Hey, I have to dumb down every so often you know!
I never realized how annoying Philip Glass could be until I listened to Music in Twelve Parts. This is a funny song parody I found courtesy of Mari Aranoff Duncan
Once I heard music that gave me gas
It was written by Philip Glass
Credits include some big movie scores
But it's B.S. - His music bores
Once I heard film music that was divine
It was written by Elmer Bernstein
Glass writes arpeggios all of the time
Mind-numbing crap, musical crime
Lots of folks say they find it pleasant
But I must make jokes 'cause his stuff is cheesy
I could write like that – it would be so easy to
Just copy that incessant droning spew
I'll express that all the repetition
Is a cause of stress
When a sane musician has to play in that mess
A very dang'rous mission, yeah
"Koyaanisqatsi," "Einstein on the Beach"
Next time I can, I will take a pass
On hearing music by Philip Glass
And maybe I am being unkind
But Mr. Glass, Kiss my behind!
Saw this other filed under "Pretentious Prick Music"
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