Recurring dreams

I keep having these recurring dreams about the catholic school I went to ages ago. It's always the same dream: I'm trying to enter the school building and I'm only allowed into the front lobby. For some reason, I'm trying to go into the classrooms as if I'm trying to find something I left behind but the people that work there don't allow me. Others are allowed to pass except me. In the dream, I'm at my current age. Perhaps there's another way to get in.

I remember there's another entrance where we used to line up for assembly and I watch the kids go inside and I follow them. The walls are a bland green marble just as they were when I was attending with old class photos featured throughout the hall.

In other dreams I'm granted a tour but something comes up to prevent me from going, or I'm allowed to speak with one of the nuns.

I have no idea what it means. I used to have recurring dreams like visiting Europe which finally ended the day I actually went traveling to Spain. I thought visiting it would stop the dreams but they keep coming back.

My friend and I went to visit the old school over the summer walking around the building, talking about where we used to run around before assembly started and how we used to go to the park across the street during lunch time. I don't think there's old ghosts that I need to let go of. As far as I remember, I had nothing but good memories.

When I went back to the Bronx the day I flipped out, I went driving around the school . Didn't really stop, just drove by like checking if anything had changed, like if construction was being done or something. It was still the same like over the summer.

I'm trying to remember now what were some things that would trigger these dreams? There was Sister Helen, who was one of those modern 70's nuns who didn't wear the nun's uniform and who always carried an acoustic guitar; she was more like Joan Baez than a nun. I remember my class going on a trip which my parents were too cheap to pay for (it was only $10). I had to sit in her classroom watching her students singing "Day by Day" from Godspell. If you found one kid driftng off, she'd smack him across the head and tell him to keep up with class. There was a rumor going around that she cracked the lunch bell on one of the kid's heads. Doubt this ever happened but great story!

There was Mrs. Rosenberg (didn't think of the name till now: "Rosenberg" in a Catholic school?) who was a sweet lady who loved the kids and it was in her class where I went on my first class trip to the Bronx Zoo. It was also the first time I saw my fellow classmates without their school uniforms but in regular clothing which was weird. You get used to seeing a person in a tie and blue slacks all the time.

I remember clearly the day I left my school bag on the bus and I was half way to school when I realized it. I tried in vain to run after the bus and was gonna crap my pants once my parents found out. Anyone who went to Catholic school knows that your parents pay for the books you use and all the school equipment. I'd just received my first Our Lady of Angels school bag (which looked more like a bowling ball bag) but I thought it was cool and hear I was losing it like an idiot! Thankfully my parents didn't go off on me. Then again, that was so long ago, it was possibilty they may have.

I asked the resident dream interpreter here at work what these dreams may mean. According to him, I'm possibly trying to revert back to a time where I was safe and comfortable. Something is holding me back from entering the school and perhaps its my acknowledgment of responsibilities that prevents me from doing so.

I found this on the Dream Dictionary:

Dreaming that you are in school means feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about performance and abilities. You may also be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life.

Another recurring dream I have is of bridges.

Initially I dreamt of old dilapidated bridges that looked similar to the Brooklyn Bridge and the only means of getting across was walking along this beaten path that had so many twists and turns it appeared more like a labyrinth.

Those dreams eventually stopped and I recently been having dreams of bridges again but this time they appear as a state of the art bridge from some architects design but either they are too narrow to drive across or they are impossible to walk across due to the material that was used construct it.

When I do manage to walk across the bridge, everything appears in a thick fog making it difficult to see what is on the other side.

Dream Dictionary states the following:

Dreaming that you are crossing a bridge means an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. Dreaming of a run-down bridge indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time. Dreaming of a bridge collapse indicates that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Dreaming that you are going through a thick fog means much confusion, troubles, scandal, and worries. You may not be seeing things the way they really are or you may have lost your sense of direction in life.

So what I get from this is that I'm pretty much going through a pre-mid life crisis and if I don't do something now, I'm only going to get more neurotic as times goes on.

Question is, what to do about it? Now may be a good time for self reflection. Catch you guys later.