I love the Millennium!

I mentioned in earlier post how much I hate VH1’s I Love the 70’s, and 80’s . At first it was cute reliving memories of the Son of Sam, the blackout of 77, and Jonestown with a bunch of has-beens. Something went horribly wrong in the idea offices of VH1 when someone suggested keeping this train wreck of a show going with their current program (the 90’s). Isn’t still too early to be reliving this decade? Aren’t we only five years away from it? I guess it won’t be long till we see, you guessed it: I love the Millennium!

Here’s how it will pan out:

Celebrating New Years 2000

Some unheard of comedian: We were all supposed to be so excited since this would be the last new year celebration for the 20th century (shoot to Dick Clark). What people didn’t realize was that this would be the first and last time Prince’s 1999 would be relevant.




Yugoslavia

Token black guy who grew up in the suburbs: Remember that dude Slobodan Milosevic? Man, that dude was crazy! I don’t know about you but some man come up to me and tells me that federal elections are over with and he’s installing autocratic rule, I’d say he’s crackers! (Shoot to Croatia and Bosnia)


Some white girl with glasses no one’s ever heard of:
People forget his pet name: “Slobo” C’mon, any guy who contributes to continuous warfare and break ups of Croatia and Bosnia has to earn that name. Milo doesn’t sound as harsh. You think puppies, like Milo & Otis.




Elian Gonzalez

Nebbish looking nerd attempting to look hip: One of the positive things to come out of the Elian Gonzalez incident was that more people became aware of black beans with rice and Cuban sandwiches.





Fast forward to 2001:



Defribilators offered on Airlines

Typecast Hispanic actor holding a defliberator: What is this thing?

Girl in her mid thirties still dressed as in her early twenties: Yeah this was an important milestone in aviation history. Now passengers didn’t have to worry about the risk of having a heart attack in case there flight fell from the 20.000 feet. A great device to have around I must say.


September 11


White girl with glasses: What I remember most about 9/11 was not being able to grab a cab to Brooklyn. Now do you expect a girl to walk across the Williamsburg Bridge in heels?

Token black guy who grew up in the suburbs: So these terrorist guys went out to a strip club the night before and got some action. (shoot to stock footage of a strip club) I guess they couldn’t wait for the 7,000 virgins that would be waiting for them in the afterlife.



White girl again: Wasn’t it amazing that they picked 9/11 to attack us? I mean what a coincidence that 911 is number to dial in case of an emergency! Do you think people found the irony in dialing that number the day of the attack? Also, they picked a date where the number “11” actually appears like two towers. Someone wasn’t on the ball in the White House if they didn’t figure this one out. A sad day for the nation, a great day for graphic designers.




Fast forward to 2004-5:



Outsourcing:

Unheard of comedian: Man, all you heard of was my nice cushy job is gone or I can’t support my family! Lighten up peeps! Walmart is expanding at a record pace and they’re salaries are higher than the nation’s minimum wage. Buncha cry babies.

Typecast Hispanic guy: Outsourcing? What was that? Some offshoot of Outback Steakhouse?

White girl: You know the only people who didn't have to worry about losing their jobs in this country were those involved in nanotechnology and actors/comedians. I try to ignore the hype about the rise of Bollywood. If we talk more about it here, it will all go away.




Blogs:

Unheard of comedian: What was it with these blogs? Out of nowhere people started posting crap that no one would ever read or respond to. People posted in the millions trying their best at being witty about events around the world pointing out key events in the world or odd happenings with dry sarcasm. Blogs will be what 8-tracks were for the seventies.

White chick: We’ll be looking back and ask, “Why were most non-English blogs always in Portuguese?” Some things were never meant to have an answer.

I love the Millennium:

Token Black guy: Remember watching those dumb shows on VH1 where no talent hacks would attempt to be funny by talking about things they didn’t know about and that didn’t matter such as Oreo cookies, double entrendre involving Oscar Meyer wieners, or bad-mouthing Different Strokes?

Unheard of comedian: Man I loved this show! Its good to be part of a dynasty and in good company with the likes of Moe Rooca, Vince Neil, Dee Snider, that straight guy who plays a gay on that show on cable, and that girl who writes humor on that magazine somewhere.